I was reminded this morning by a Facebook memory that my sister shared, that it’s been a year since I embarked on my journey inwards. A journey that was sparked by living a life I wasn’t happy with – a series of events that left me feeling totally helpless, unfree, and out of control.
Some time last year I remembered waking up one morning staring myself in the mirror, being unable to recognise the man that stood before me. And an intense sense of emptiness and loneliness that grew within me with each passing day, leading me to fill my calendar with as many social activities as possible, in a desperate but muted attempt at running away from my problems.
Yet even then, when I was surrounded by people, I felt utterly alone. What is the real purpose of my life?
And so in my search for answers I started going back to basics. To the things I loved doing as a child. Pencil and paper in hand. I was very rusty to say the least. The last time I had sketched any thing at all was back in Toronto in 2004. But I found solace and peace in expressing myself on paper and then on canvas.
And it didn’t stop at that first piece of ‘The Sleeping Child’. The months that followed saw more sketches coming in thick and fast, and eventually I even turned to a new medium in the form of acrylic paint, which I felt allowed me to express myself even better.
Some selected pieces of my artwork that was done is available for viewing on this page here.
I have still yet to find the answer to my original question. And along my journey, I have discovered more questions than answers. But one thing I know for sure is that I am in a much better place now than I was a year ago.
I am in a space of faith and freedom. Freedom to pursue my true identity, allowing me to be more life giving to those around me, acting out of a greater generosity of love instead of serving myself all the time.
And I am finally coming to accept certain realities of my life that do not make it any less wonderful than what I hoped it would be. A life that is far from spotless, but as colourful as the colours on my canvas. But that’s what makes it beautiful.